10 Uses for Ex-Congressmen...

(thanks to "Bring it On", original article located at http://www.teambio.org/2006/10/top-ten-uses-for-an-ousted-republican-congressman/)

10.10. They’re naturally full of manure, so you can bury one in your garden for better tomato(e)s.

9. Tight buttocks can be used as vice grips in home improvement projects. (Warning: Could come loose unexpectedly in the presence of congressional pages.)

8. They’re spineless, so if you’re strong enough you can crack one like a bullwhip.

7. Strap them to Humvees as supplemental armor.

6. Their brain pans are too small to use at a skull keg party, but they do make great shot glasses.

5. If you pose as a military contractor or oil lobbyist, they’ll perform fellatio on demand.


4. Cover one with papier-mache and take it to a gathering of Young Republicans as a Bill Clinton pinata. It’s a hoot when they realize there’s no candy inside.

3. Make great male escorts at nursing homes, since they love screwing the elderly.

2. They’ll watch your teenage son for free while you’re out of town.

1. If you put one’s freshly-extracted heart in a cooler, it’ll keep your beer cold for almost a week.